i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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