think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
