I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i barfeds in our rink
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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