if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
