I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
