She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
