i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
