i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
