And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
