Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
