Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
