So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
How's work?
Spinning.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
