TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
