I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize