Will you blow on my dice?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You dont lie about slip and slides
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
