Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
This house was built for laser tag.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
