you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
