Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
