Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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