I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
