He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I could fuck to npr.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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