i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
