The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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