Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
