I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
