would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
In other news, I just burned my penis
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
