wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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