If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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