There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
