So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
