just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
