forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
