Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
