If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
