paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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