The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
