Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
