Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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