I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
