Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
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we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
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Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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