mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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