I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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