i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
