pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Randomize
