i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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