I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
