I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
