You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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