Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
