he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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