Your mouth is God's brothel.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Holy shit dude........stairs
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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