watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm like, not good at living.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
