That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
