there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We are all done wearing pants today
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.