Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities