I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.