When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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