Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
