My first STD was from a foam party
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
