That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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