There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
