So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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