You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
