a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
