evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
