i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
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