i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
