we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
how does that bad decision feel?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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